With so many options for places to take your Valentine, it’s hard to choose: a candlelit dinner, a night of romantic dancing or perhaps a movie? Forget dinner and dancing, Fool’s Gold is perfect for Valentine’s Day; it is hollow, disappointing and leaves you feeling like you should have gotten more for your money.
But any other day, eating and dancing are just two of the things you’d rather be doing than watching this. Unless you’re looking for more of Matthew McConaughey without a shirt, in which case you may prefer the movie. This movie has almost as much of that as confusing banter about the patchwork plot.
McConaughey and Kate Hudson co-star in their first movie since How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days as Finn and Tess Finnegan, two treasure seekers with their marriage on the rocks after a most inappropriately-referenced passionate start. Tess starts her job stewarding on a yacht, owned by millionaire Nigel Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland). He’s got problems with his daughter, a blend of every rich, young spoiled girl in Hollywood. This motley crew, along with a supporting cast of sidekicks with horrible accents, begin to search the Caribbean for the “Queen’s Dowry,” a fabled treasure with a 10-minute long explanation.
The entire time, they are hampered by Bigg Bunny, played by Kevin Hart. Bigg Bunny is a bungling rapper/criminal, assisted by Theo of The Cosby Show and another hapless henchmen, who also share ridiculous accents. Since Finn owes Bigg Bunny money, it’s a race to see who can follow the ridiculous set of clues to the prize.
The lack of coherent plot matches the lack of clothes, as the movie tries to substitute substance for sex appeal. Instead of coinciding with the love problems of Finn and Tess, Nigel Honeycutt and his daughter Gemma (Alexis Dziena) instead quibble over her spending habits.
Tess harps on Finn for most of the movie about maturing, while making references to Finn’s “special talent” at random and inappropriate moments. What could that be? Yes, the eyes continue to roll through the “action sequences” that are to be expected in any movie about treasure hunting in the ocean: jet skis, harpoons, prop planes and fighting over air tanks.
The most confusing thing about this movie (besides wondering where any of the clothes went) was the story of how the treasure arrived at its resting place. All that can be assumed was whoever left the treasure there didn’t come back because staying as far away from this movie or anything related to it is better than riches.
Why is this movie perfect for Valentine’s Day? Chances are, viewers will be paying much less attention to the movie than expected, meaning the occasional glance at either Matthew McConaughey’s shirtless, rippling muscles or Kate Hudson’s bronzed, striking figure. That’s all that you’d need to get from this movie. Enjoy Valentine’s Day by seeing this movie with a date; maybe you’ll bond by going through a traumatic experience together.
Filed under: Review | Tagged: Kenneth Long
