Review: Doomsday

It’s been a dull couple of weeks for people not wanting to see an animated elephant or his prehistoric, CGI kin. The next few weeks will offer a variety of different choices, but for now, those looking for something new will have to live with the less-publicized releases like Doomsday.

In Doomsday, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra of TV shows Boston Legal and Nip/Tuck) and a team of soldiers are sent into a quarantined Scotland to find survivors of a deadly virus in the hope of finding a cure. There’s also something going on with the English government, but it’s a pretty worthless storyline. In fact, the entire plot is a giant excuse to revive the Mohawk and keep the prosthetic head industry in business.

Let there be no mistaking the fact that Doomsday is basically a zombie movie without the zombies. While there’s no disembowelment, a trademark of undead flicks, enough blood is shed, by bullets and blades alike, to supply an inner-city hospital for a couple of weeks. There are three beheadings, two hands cut off, about a dozen people including a cow who get run over by cars and a rabbit that gets obliterated by a machine gun. Yes, that’s right, they even kill a poor, defenseless bunny.

The first group our heroes face off against comes straight out of the ’80s. Mohawks, nose rings, full body tattoos and leather pants are all the rage in a society that eats trespassers. They also throw a party with men dancing in kilts, scantily clad women and dirt bikes before cooking one of the soldiers. It’s a messed up place for sure, but where they go next may be even more outlandish.

After a not-so-daring escape from Billy Idol and company, Eden and the leftover scraps of her crew head to a castle of fully armored knights. What ensues is a short-lived dialogue sequence and a gladiator-like fight to the death. There’s just something bizarre about going from the original cyber-city in England to a punk rock infested village to a medieval castle in the span of one movie.

While all of this may sound entertaining in a weird and wacky way, it really isn’t. The action is not all that interesting and the wide assortment of people in costume come across as a cheap post-apocalyptic ploy to fill seats. Doomsday would probably be best served by giving it the Mystery Science Theater treatment.

The movie does redeem itself in the end with one of the greatest car chases I’ve seen in quite a while. The best thing about it is that it has people actually jumping from car to car and laying on top as it speeds along the road. There’s no CGI here, just stuntmen crazy enough to hold on for dear life on top of a stylish, black Bentley.

The other great thing about this car chase is its predictability. The movie finally gives way to the cheesiness it should have started with, making every car explode and any person thrown onto the road a vapor trail after being nailed by one of the pursuing cars. It honestly made the movie worth watching.

In the end, Director Neil Marshall’s follow up to critically acclaimed horror flick The Descent is best left for a quick glance when it is released on DVD. Anyone looking for a quality horror movie should go out and rent last year’s fantastic 28 Weeks Later. You’ll be glad you saved the money and spared yourself from the psychotic ’80s revivalists and King Arthur rejects.